“Today is Saint Valentine’s Day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine”. — from Shakespeare’s Hamlet
I’m no longer someone’s maiden at the window waiting for chocolate, roses, and jewelry.
I once had a terrific Valentine, but he’s in heaven now.
Besides, it was our habit to celebrate this day for lovers AFTER Feb. 14. Usually on the 15th when Valentine’s candy and flowers were half off at Walgreen’s. In our teaching days, if the 14th fell on a school night, dinner and candlelight had to wait until the weekend. Frank and I shared 48 Valentine’s Days together, so I guess we were no worse off in that mysterious love thing than any other couple. Romance is a relative term, and every relationship is different. If it lasts without divorce or homicide, then it’s a good one.
Recently, I had a chat with ChiWee, my Chihuahua. She had a few thoughts on how to maintain a healthy, happy love relationship
First of all, there’s that tail-wagging “I’m really glad to see you” when a dog owner comes home in the evening. No matter how crummy your day, canine consolation costs only a pat on the head or a scratch behind the ears. Apply the same response to greeting your mate at day’s end. In some human version, try wagging your tail, licking his (her) face, and yapping joyfully. Those serious matters about unpaid bills, the leaking roof, and other domestic disasters don’t need to be addressed at the door. That stuff can wait awhile. Besides, according to dogs, things never seem quite as bad after you have slurped the last morsel from your dish, and your tummy is full.
Then, there’s the need to have fun together. It doesn’t have to be dinner and a movie or expensive concert tickets. It can be as simple and light-hearted as tossing a Frisbee in the park or going for a walk, two activities known to be doggie favorites.
Third, but in no particular order, a dog knows the importance of being consistent in your treatment of someone you love. In fact, it’s a great comfort. When a beloved doesn’t swing from one mood to another and doesn’t send out contradictory signals (“Come here. Go away”), love becomes less tricky. Human behavior is subject to all kinds of variables: the economy, the weather, work problems, health concerns, past experiences, prejudices, and personal perceptions. But, even at the mercy of these influences, we still want consistency in our relationships.
Dogs do it better. With them, regardless of differences in canine personalities, you can expect pretty much the same behavior. So, there’s an easiness between pet and owner. The same thing holds true when a human relationship is based on balanced behavior. In other words, no slapping her around in anger one day, then giving her roses and slobbering regrets the next day! Don’t tell him he’s the love of your life and flirt with other men in front of him.
Communication. Communication. Communication.
Dogs know this one is critical. Tell your beloved what you want, how you feel, and only the absolute truth. Don’t fib about wanting to go outside to potty when you really intend to dig up the flower bed because you will not only be scolded, you will no longer be trusted. If you want a cookie, say so. And if the answer is, “No, you’ve already had three,” don’t take it personally. In human-speak, if your partner asks, “What’s wrong, honey?” don’t respond with “Nothing! I’m fine!” I know by the diversity of ChiWee’s whines and barks whether she wants food, to be let out, have her belly rubbed, or just wants me to stop what I’m doing and pay her some attention. Sometimes she just stares at me. So, be alert to your beloved’s spoken and unspoken communication
Finally, you can’t have a truly loving relationship without letting bygones be bygones. The inability to let go of our “issues” and move on is a choke collar on the neck of happiness. Dogs live in the moment and don’t harbor resentment over past hurts. After you yell at your dog, let a few minutes pass, and then speak kindly. He will forgive you –and without conditions. If only we humans could take our paws off petty problems, our love lives would be far more peaceful.
So, there you have it. Canine advice for lovers. On this Valentine’s Day, don’t forget to scratch your loved one’s ears and give the dog a big kiss.
Mary Ready of Destin is a twice-retired English teacher and long-time area resident. Her columns are published on Saturdays.